It’s been 87 days since Governor Andrew Cuomo issued social-distancing guidelines in New York.
Eighty-seven days trying to read the books gathering dust on my shelves instead of staring at the wall.
Eighty-seven days mindlessly scrolling through TikTok and dating apps for some form of reprieve from the lonesome dread occupying my daily life.
And at least 87 days since I last went on a date.
So when I saw a viral TikTok over the weekend from a girl who paid an Etsy psychic to draw her soulmate, I knew I needed to follow suit.
Over the last few weeks, ThePsychicArtist on Etsy has received a lot of attention from TikTok users around the world, myself included — enough attention for the psychic to launch their own account on the platform advertising their work.
For around $30, your name, and your birthdate, the psychic will sketch a portrait of your soulmate in 24 hours.
This 24-hour reveal is a common TikTok trope.
The platform is littered with videos of users making tie-dye shirts or coloring their hair, only to reveal the results the following day.
So it makes sense that these psychic drawings have become somewhat of a trend.
In the videos, which are easily found under the #psychicartist hashtag on TikTok, users stand in front of their portraits reading the psychic’s descriptions and asking for their followers to help them find the mysterious person depicted in the sketches.
There are a number of Etsy psychics from whom people can commission portraits.
Some look like real sketches, while others look like photos grabbed from Google Image search and edited to look like drawings. Still, that didn’t stop me.
“I’m wearing my rose quartz and everything,” one user said in a video before she opened her portrait. “I need love! Oh, my god, I need it!”
Seeing that I’ve been cooped up in my apartment for the last few months, I was eager to know exactly who I’m supposed to spend the rest of my life with.
When ordering the portrait, my thinking went as follows: “If I already know what my soulmate looks like, then, in some strange way, I’m capable of speedrunning the dating process.
The coronavirus has already set me back a few months, so why not give it a shot.”
So, I navigated to ThePsychicArtist’s Etsy page Friday afternoon and placed an order for a portrait, making sure to fill in all of the correct identifying information about myself.
The next morning, I woke up to a long Etsy message describing this unknown man that included a file with his portrait.
The psychic told me basically everything I wanted to hear! He’s “stylish” and I will “discover the luxurious life” with him.
“He is exuberant and will definitely be the change you were looking for,” among other things.
But unfortunately, I won’t meet him for another 18 months because our “vibration levels aren’t aligned and calibrated towards each other.”
Please know that by releasing this information, I’m putting myself at risk.
“The information you received is confidential and you should not release it to any other soul because the consequences could lead to an energy blockage of your aura and it will interfere with the connection between you and him,” the psychic told me.
Still, I feel confident in my decision to release this portrait since the TikTok users participating in this trend seem to be doing alright.
Anyways, if you know this person, maybe reach out.
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I Paid a Psychic to Draw My Soulmate. Now I’m In Love With Him.
Last month, under the influence of a bottle of wine and about nine months of pent-up sexual energy, I paid a psychic on Etsy to draw my soulmate.
The evening started as most quarantine Saturdays do I was getting drunk with my mom and then eventually went to bed to scroll Instagram when something caught my eye.
A woman claimed she met the man a psychic sketched for her at Starbucks.
The post had pictorial evidence of both the man and the sketch.
I had hard facts that this could be real, more facts than I’ve ever gotten from a Trump press conference, and more than enough data to convince drunk, COVID-era me that I needed a psychic sketch and I needed one now.
I was ready to give “The Psychic Being” aka Melinda all my money. I had questions, she had answers, and $30 felt like a steal.
I had forgotten about my drunk escapades until I opened my laptop the next morning and saw an Etsy notification.
My heart started beating faster. Even sober me understood the gravity of the situation — he was here.
I clicked on the message, ready to greet the future Mr. Juliana, but was hit by reality in the form of a disclaimer: “Please don’t worry if the person I draw isn’t your type or you don’t like their personality traits or they are slightly older/younger looking.
My readings are based on the connection I make with your future soulmate, only YOU can change your fate and ultimately you have the final choice on what you do and the paths you choose in your life.”
All of a sudden I saw the potential downside. What if my soulmate was an old man? Or a baby? Or just not good-looking?? I’m not a shallow person but I want a hot soulmate! Quarantine has been rough on all of us and I need this win.
I want someone to lust after for the next god-knows-how-many months before it’s safe to make out with randoms again.
My heightened emotional state stemmed from a sober realization: I believe in this kinda thing more than I’d like to admit.
A few years ago, my sister and I decided to get our palms read.
Before I got the chance to hand over my hand, the palm reader told me that I was surrounded by negative energy.
Instead of laughing it off, I started crying. She had hit a nerve.
In my limited experience with supernatural communication, I’ve found that how you respond to the reading can be even more telling than the reading itself. My crying said a lot.
At that particular moment, I knew I was holding onto relationships that were beginning to go stale, but I wasn’t ready to face it or even verbalize it yet.
A few months later, I had to — my boyfriend (of four years) and I broke up. And I severed ties with college friends that I was beginning to grow apart from.
Basically, what I’m trying to say is, I’M A BELIEVER and this psychic sketch was bigger than just a drunk way to pass the time.
It was going to have an impact whether I wanted it to or not.
I kept going. “Your reading came to me strongly! I was able to predict that you will meet this person in the next 12–18 months, provided you are open and willing to the idea of letting this person in your life.”
After learning about his personality (yadda yadda “socially elegant, sophisticated, current, and charismatic”), it was time for the moment I was waiting for — the sketch.
I’m not going to post it because I’m scared Twitter will “do its thing” and find him, and that’s not the meet-cute I want for my life partner, but here are the cliff’s notes…
He was hot. And not in a movie star, out-of-reach way, but approachably hot.
He looked like what I’d imagine my older brother’s best friend would like if I had an older brother who had a hot best friend who I had a lot of sexual chemistry with but nothing ever happened because we knew each other in middle school and he was basically family.
He had the familiarity of someone I grew up with and the newness of someone I was excited to meet.
I saw the picture and I fell in love.
As crazy as it sounds, for the first time in a few months I felt optimistic — suddenly I was going to get something I really, really wanted.
Regardless of whether or not the hottie in my sketch is real, I had an epiphany — what if I just started believing it was?
What if we all started living like we’re gonna get what we really want in 12–18 months? We keep working towards our goals, yes, but we move forward with a confidence, a hopefulness, that things will happen the way we want them to.
Instead of operating out of fear and worry, we know it will all work out.
How much less stressful would life be? How much more fun would the interim periods be before we land the job, meet the person, or whatever else it is we convince ourselves we need to be happy?
Melinda left me with some wisdom I won’t ever forget: “In order for you to increase the odds of meeting this person, I recommend that you live life to the fullest and you accept any positive influences that come into your life.
Avoid getting yourself down about the little things in life and focus on building yourself to who you want to be.
Self-love, self-respect, and positive energy is the key to finding your soulmate.”
And even if I don’t have my Sleepless in Seattle moment, and we don’t find each other on the top of the Empire State Building, you don’t have to be psychic to know that’s some damn good advice.